"Pidgeon Cock"
"Neil Fledgling"
"JulianBarratt - it's all one word so if you hear your friend say
'Julian Barratt' tell them they're wrong - it's JulianBarratt"
"Beeyouwteefool laydeez"
Julian (enthusiastically):"You're called Flannagan"
Noel:"I'm called Flannagan"
Julian(Confused):"You're called Flannagan"
Noel:"I'm called Flannagan"
Julian(Getting annoyed):"You're called Flannagan"
Noel:"Oh, and you;re called erm Tucker"
Julian: "Can't...seem to...penetrate the fabric...must be...some kind of...polyester weave!"
Julian: "Jean-Paul................? Jean-Paul................? Jean-Paul................? Jean-Paul................? Jean-Paul................? Jean-Paul................? Jean-Paul................?
Noel:"Oui..........? Oui..........? Oui..........?
"You're clearly French - you're a child of the croissant. Look at that nose, it's like the Eiffel tower, you've got cheeks like the Louvre and a chin like a baguette"
Noel: "My uncle Henry's into cryogenics as well. You're a lot like him actually, same mannerisms. If we ever did a sketch about it you should play him"
Julian: "I'll note that"
"Have you seen my wife, she's called Shandy!"
Julian: "I'm going. I need to find some pelts"
Noel:"What? Are you going to do some colouring in?"
Julian: "I'm going on my own. Do you want to come with me?"
Noel:"Told you that joke wouldn't work."
"You know I can't come with you, I have to play the characters when you get there!"
Julian: "I can't read your flippin' writing!"
"They aren't flaps, they're my face!
"The walls are full of cracks and the cracks are full of strangers"
"System plan 1b4"
Noel:The Yo-Yo's:"Wow! It's an orgy! Everyone's naked!"
"You're gonna go back to Camden with rams' legs...it's a bit '94"
"Don't you hate it when you get in a lift and it's full of people?...I hate people..."
"Elephant pins"
"Forest..."
"You've got to pin back your flaps and move forward"
"Cryogenics is the new grey"
"Spain..."
Julian:"My wife left me for someone who could play the horn better than me"
Noel:"That's jazz baby"
Rich:"...anyway, you've won employee of the month, here, have this toothpaste..."
Noel:"Oh! [laughs] Thanks!"
Rich:"I didn't like it anyway..."
Noel:"Oh well thanks!"
Rich:"By the way, have you seen my wife?"
Noel:"[Really laughs] No...no I haven't..."
Rich:"Well look at this...[brings out his finger from behind his back]...hey"
Noel:"Awwwwww, wow!"
Rich:"She's beautiful ain't she?"
Noel:"Yeah, she's great!" [talks to Rich's wife or *his finger* and starts kissing her/it]
Rich:"What! What! What, what, what are you doing? [takes back his wife] GIVE ME MY TOOTHPAST BACK! *to his finger* You whore!"
Rich (Bob Fossil):"I feel like some kind of barn yard cat in agiant raisin singin' 'I like~a the donkeys! I like~a the donkeys!'"
Noel:"We're like Flannagan & Tucker"
Julian:"What, the odd double act"?
Noel:"Yeah. I've got big eyes."
Julian:"I've got small eyes.....they were rubbish."
Noel:"No they weren't."
Julian:"They were. They were the worst double act to hit the 1930s stage..."
"We're in some kind of a forest - dense, yet frugal"
Rich (Bob Fossil):"Give me back my toothpaste"
"I can have a gorilla touch you"
"Yeah - Laugh it up"
"I've never seen anything less like me in all my life, it's like looking at a cup."
"You should have been here yesterday, it was just an old toucan ginned out of her face telling dirty jokes to 2 year olds."
"He's drawn all tits on your back"
"This llama went loopy - loopy llama. He was hoofing everyone...he was a hoofing nutcase."
Julian:"I span the genres, they call me the genre spanner."
Noel:"They call you the spanner"
"They munched him down like an old kit kat/drifter"
"Fizzy nice things"
"He drives around in a small car shouting...'piss' at people and throwing rice krispies out the window."
"I've got a special bond with the jackals, we rub wrists
"It's like wearing cream soda tartan silk shorts"
It's not a tub it's a jungle jim lunchbox."
"I feel like Patrick Duffy swimming in a liquid bunion."
"Hey everybody it's 4 o clock and time for an exhibition of 'A Dingo Ate
Me Baby' in the aqua tent, right next to the thing... "
"I've..I've fallen in love...In some kind of sick, twisted love... "
Rich:"What's that?"
Julian:"Nothing. Its... ballet. And science. Bad Science. Bad JuJu."
"Are we to be married on the morrow? No? Oh...in that case I guess I can go for that drink with Steve..."
"You've had a turquoise tumble."
"I'm a dramateuge. I teuge it up drama style."
J:"It's no use hiding behind a little tub."
N:"It's not a tub, it's a jungle jim lunchbox." (GJQ)
"Numbers.. to express.. pain... (different levels of pain)
3 : You sunk my potato..."
J:"You can't come into the forest all vivid. Like Little Johnny Boudoir
Eyes. You wanna take a leaf out of my wardrobeÖ"
N:"What's that then? A psychedelic Bill and Ben meets M.A.S.H in a Twiggy
nightmare garden"?
J:"No, it's my look"
N:"Your look"?
J:"Yeah, you've gotta get with the bracken. You've gotta move with the
moss, you've gotta lie down with the lichen"
"Maybe if you're from Camden you have to walk like a French tunic
salesman..."
"Beaver Lake....
Beaver Lake...."
"I'm a right brained freak in a left brain world!"
"Last time you gave me a pie, I cut into it, and birds flew out of it,
hitting me in the face and chin. I was confused. It was a trick pie".
J:"Take a banana and an apple and a peach..."
N (awkwardly):"And a mango..."
"Lamps! Lamps! Thats my forte!" (The Acoustic Flannel)
"Yeah.we come in um..rolling mules....(laughs) Yeah other people might
ride them, but not us, no.. " (The Magic Blanket)
J:"You wanna be careful, before you know it you'll wake up in a bush
singing songs about brooms
N:"You don't know anything about me. Do you know anything about me"?
J:"I know...of you"
N:"Yeah, well, if you knew me you'd know that I don't sing songs about
brooms...I sing songs about love...
Lovely lady with the eye
Lovely lady with the eye
You've only got one but it's a good one
Lovely lady with the eye, the eye, the eye, the eye, the eye
coming
forward on a string, thats not normal, urgh
Yeah! I'm in a band..."
"Ladies and gentlemen it's 4 o clock and time for 'You better watch out,
you'd better not pout, you'd better not get eaten by a wild pig' in the
aqua tent, children get in free. And a general announcement: Will the
Russian family please stop taunting the porpoises".
"Hey, where have you been? You missed the sponge!"
(Bob Fossil, just after he'd finished his "I don't feel like Bob
Fossil" rant, shouting at a certain audience member who'd just come back
into the theatre)
I guess it helps if you were there that night...
"They knew how to express pain, but did they know how to express love"?
DB:"Vince, Vince, come over here"
Vince:"Who's that"?
DB:"This is David Bowie"
Vince:"What's wrong with your voice"?
DB:"I'm standing on a lozenge"
Vince:"Eh"?
DB:"Let's dance"!
"Comin atcha like a beam, like a ray, like a rooster, like a goose trapped in the rafters of a barn in Shropshire"
"The forest is a dangerous place, where everyone has nuts on their face..."
"Toffee Sock Scissor Bitch"
"Get with the bracken, move with the moss, lie down with the lichen"
"Mussel witch liver f**ker"
